Heaven seems so far away

I miss you so much Rebecca, you would now be 6 months old. Smiling at me with your bright beautiful eyes, holding your arms out to me to hold you close.

The pain in my heart still screams out so loud inside my body for you.

Six months have passed, does not seem long for most, but for me; a lifetime. The world has carried on without me. The flowers died long ago, the cards have been gently placed inside a box, inside your draw, inside your bedroom. The messages of condolences have stopped. The hugs and gentle looks have slowly dimised.

Life has carried on, but I am still here. Grieving.

I am still here grieving but I am still here.

Life is pushing me forward, the sun shines, a smile has been returning to my face, I can sing along to music again – to your music. You have given me the strength to return to back to work this week, to my office, to fimilar faces who watched you grow. Memories are painful, but for some reason I feel so close to you there.

Six months have passed since you changed my life, my heart breaks and aches each day for you. I will forever long to hold you once more. But I know you are still here, helping me – guiding me through my new life. You’ll always be here. You’re never far away.

I love you,

x Mummy x

Just one little peek into heaven, 
Is all I’m asking for today. 
I just want to know how she’s doing, 
As heaven seems so far away. 

Is she playing on the clouds with angels? 
Is she laughing and running today? 
Does she miss me? 
I guess only she knows. 

Oh why does heaven seem so far away? 
If you just let me look for a moment, 
To catch a glimpse of her sweet smiling face, 
I promise I won’t try to take her, 
For I know she’s in a better place. 

Just one little peek into heaven, 
Is all I’m asking for today. 
I just want to know how she’s doing, 
As heaven seems so far away…




4 thoughts on “Heaven seems so far away

  1. I have read a few of the post you have put on here, cant read them all as I’m in a pickle each time I do. I too have an angel baby, a baby girl born in silence. That solitary walk from the maternity unit holding a precious box of memories, no awws no coos, just heartache. Iv not been in your situation needing the procedure, but if I know of anyone who is I will most certainly discuss your story. My little girl would be 4 now and I too think of all those milestones missed. Time does go on, yet the pain is always there you just learn to handle it, (well most times). I hope you get the changes made and help people in the same situation to know all risks and for the adequate monitoring to take place. Good luck with your journey, it is a rocky road hold the memories close of your beautiful daughter. Xxx


    • Thank you for your comment Kelly. I’m so sorry to hear you also have an angel daughter. Life will never be the same again and I moss her terribly each day.
      It must me so hard loving through the years knowing all the milestones we miss – if these past 9 months is anything to go by its excruciating.
      Sending you and your angel lots of love x


  2. Hi, I read your story in a magazine and it reduced me to tears. You are so incredibly brave and I support your petition 100%. I have signed your petition and I would sign it 10,000 times myself if it were possible. Do you have a Facebook page set up for Rebecca to help to spread the word? I would join any such page, and would share it amongst my Facebook community to try to raise awareness. Ever since the doctors tried to pressure me into going for an ECV for my breech daughter I have had strong feelings over the risks involved, and reading your story confirms my worst fears. RIP to your little angel, and love to all of your family, I hope you find the strength within each other to help you through this difficult time, and I hope to God that you reach your goal.

    You are in my thoughts,



    • Hi Sarah.
      Thank you for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear you were pressured to have ECV, I have heard this alot since Rebecca was born. So glad you didn’t go through with it.
      Rebecca doesn’t have a Facebook page set up for awareness but you can click ‘Share’ on the Facebook logo beneath any of my blog posts.
      Or you can find me, Natasha Wilson, on Facebook, I’m now only there for Rebecca’s updates.
      Thank you again for your kind words.


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